Separation anxiety and being a stay at home mom

Lately, Jamaine and I have been having difficulty dealing with separation anxiety.

Her yaya got sick and had to take a leave for two weeks. Kernan and I hired a substitute yaya but Jamaine is having a hard time warming up to her.

My heart breaks whenever I leave for the office because though I try to put on a smiling face, wave goodbye cheerfully and send some flying kisses, she still cries as if I’m leaving her for a very long time.

Sometimes I ask the yaya to hide her before I leave but I feel guilty afterwards for “tricking” her.

Sometimes my mom comes over to our place to help out and that really eases my worries a lot. But I can’t ask her to come over everyday for two weeks because she gets tired of commuting. She proposed that I leave Jamaine with her for the meantime and just pick her up on weekends.

Though I really appreciate the generous offer, I can’t bear going home to an empty house and not seeing my baby for days.

Once again, I’m having thoughts of quitting work and just staying at home to take care of my baby. But with my upcoming delivery and the sparse state of my savings account, I don’t think I can do that just yet. Besides, I’m not really sure if I want to be a stay at home mom.

We’ve got one more week to go and the anxiety continues.

I’m beginning to feel how tough being a mom can be and, sometimes, I feel like I’m doing a bad job at it.

Then again, maybe this is just “pre-partum anxiety.”

Maybe it’s just the gloomy skies and the constant discomfort of back pain.

Whatever it is, I know I’ll figure out how to deal with this somehow.

Tomorrow will be another day.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, April 20th, 2008 at 10:02 pm and is filed under Motherhood, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 Responses to “Separation anxiety and being a stay at home mom”

K April 21st, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Seriously, I support the idea of mothers leaving their children with babysitter in order to have a career. I know that most women do belongs in the workplace too just as much as men do. I even told my younger sis after giving birth to have a job other than changing diapers and breastfeeding but I understand that this is normal when you challenge yourself to the “mind versus heart”. Sino bang Nanay ang iiwan ang anak sa babysitter diba? But you have to be prepare, you need to get out there although emotionally it’s hard to let go, I know for certain that your heart belongs at home.

My suggestion, don’t make a goodbye-for-a-day-work drama when you leave the house, try giving your baby something to play with to distract her from hearing your voice as you leave. I think it would also be best if you have a super Nanny to take care of everything while you’re out.

But you know, my real heroes in life are the mothers who get up to work and do the right thing.

Go girl!

Ks last blog post..For the love of chairs

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eyna (1 comments.) April 21st, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Hello!!

If it’s possible you might want to try working on a part time basis, i.e., until your little darling reaches a certain age.
After resigning my work bout 4-5 years ago in the Phils., my boss talked to me if I can continue working with them for 6 months (just enough to finish the upcoming newsletter and annual report). I wrote the articles and did the layout at home and sent them via email. Corrections, changes and communication in the office were done via email as well. Since the job is “contractual”, I earned more than my monthly income. And that’s for working at home :))

Good luck! :)
eynas last blog post..It’s time

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Sarah April 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 am

Sometimes I even envy my yaya for spending the whole day with my daughter…and getting paid for it! ;-)

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blue rose April 22nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm

i agree with you jayme. ang hirap nga umalis ng bahay. kakaguilty.

my in-laws also offered us to leave our baby with them in the province, but same with you, I can’t bear going home to an empty house and not seeing my baby.

good luck sa ating lahat. we can make it!

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Jayme April 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm

K: Thanks! Actually I try to make my leaving as casual and as happy as possible. Even when my baby cries, smile pa rin ako. Hopefully, when my yaya gets better, everything will fall back into place. Now, more than ever, I realize how much of a hero my mom is. :D

Eyna: I’ve been thinking about that too. Tried looking for some jobs online, though I have not really been actively. looking. I’m still not sold a 100% on the idea of staying at home. You’re lucky to have a job like that. :) I’m pretty sure I’ll consider that option soon too.

Sarah: What a thought diba? Paying someone to spend time with your kid. What I do is, when I get home, I really focus on my baby. I resolved to myself that I would no longer bring work home or entertain phone calls / concerns related to work once I’m home. I try to make the most of our mommy and baby bonding time so I can make up for most of the day when I’m away.

Blue Rose: It’s a good thing nga, my parents and in laws don’t pressure us into giving the baby to them, they have faith naman that we know what’s best for our baby. I know we’ll figure out a way soon. Goodluck to us! :D

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iris (20 comments.) April 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 pm

i feel the same way whenever i leave the house every morning. my only consolation is that i leave Mia with my mom. i just kiss and hug her and tell her i love her as much as i can before i leave, even if she’s still asleep. hirap maging working mom no? but at least 2 weeks lang mawawala yaya mo. and she’s coming back right? so everything should be fine in about a week, or less :) *hugs*

iriss last blog post..More energy mas happy?

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rach (17 comments.) April 24th, 2008 at 2:36 am

This incident is like a scene in SATC (Sex and the City) where Miranda is finding it hard to say goodbye to her son. Same as the other comments, I do commend you for being able to do what you are doing. Don’t be guilty that you have to leave her with a yaya kasi you know that you are doing this for their future. Ang mas maganda eh when you do get to spend time with her, focus on her (or them) because they will feel na you are there for them.

Kung iisipin mo meron din namang naging stay home mom but was unable to control their kids… not their fault but you know what I mean :)

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