All Jayme

Quit the unrequited love

“I’m still not over him.”

My friend M and I were talking over lunch and I was asking her about the state of her heart. She confessed that she still can’t stop thinking about him and wondering when they could see each other again.

Him is a guy she met at work last year. From M’s stories, the guy seemed like a gentleman who was very thoughtful and generous with compliments. They talked a lot and went out a few times.

I remember asking her once if he was “safe territory.” M said the guy was single. But more than that, she said, the guy was very hardworking, witty, loved his family and mysterious.

M fell hard for him.

Two months ago, the guy dropped a bomb: he was going to be a father. He offered no explanations and disappeared into oblivion.

M was heartbroken.

Even then, I could see that two months were not enough to heal her pain. Tears were still forming at the corner of her eyes as she recounted their last conversation. She said she’s still keeping his text messages. She’s still holding on and hoping that they will end up together.

I knew her pain all too well

The guy said he cared for me but he loved another girl.

For years, I believed I was in love with him. I hoped that someday soon, if I waited long enough, we would end up with each other.

I felt so insecure and unlovable.

Why can’t he choose me over her?

Am I not good enough?

I felt so stupid and unpretty.

But I kept on thinking, wishing and waiting.

Until one day, I finally realized how much of a fool I had been.

I was wasting my life waiting for a love that was never mine.

But I learned my lessons

Sometimes loving is enough in itself. When you love someone, it doesn’t mean he has to love you back.

Rejection is a fact of life. Rejection exists because we are free to choose what we want and what we don’t, even in love. So don’t take it personally. Yes, it does hurt when your feelings don’t get reciprocated but it just means the guy is not into you. Period. Don’t go on thinking that just because one person doesn’t love you it means you’re no good for anybody else.

Set yourself free and move on. Do what it takes to help you get over him. Erase the messages and throw away the memories. What is in the past will remain in the past. Quit thinking that when he said “I care about you” before, it means he still cares about you now. If he really did care for you so intensely, you would be happy together now. Why would you waste your time thinking, crying and wallowing over someone who doesn’t even give a damn about you? Your life is too precious to waste on other people.

Love yourself first. Your self-worth does not depend on other people nor should your happiness rely on their hands. Have confidence in your own beauty and believe that you deserve all the best things in life. The most important thing is how you perceive yourself because that is how other people will perceive you.

Open yourself to possibilities. The world is full of wonderful people and you’re bound to meet a lot of them. Go out, explore and enjoy.

Help yourself

No matter what I or other people tell you, nobody can help yourself but you, I told M.

Her tears have dried up and her face brightened a little. She knew what she had to do, she just had to gather the courage to get it done.

When I look back at those moments of heartache, I just laugh at my naivete. Then, I couldn’t understand how I could be in so much pain. But I realized later on, I needed all that to become stronger and wiser.

Because eventually, I did meet and marry the one person in the world meant for me.

And I couldn’t be any happier.

Posted in: Relationships

Tags: heartache, love, Relationships

This entry was posted on Friday, March 7th, 2008 at 3:47 pm and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.