“If it’s important to you…”

I was supposed to type a blog entry last night when Kernan nudged me from the other side of the bed,

“Can you check this proposal for me?”

I had just put Jamaine to sleep and I was aching for some “me time” which meant either blogging, journaling or reading. I’ve been at work the whole day and I consider my “me time” my chance to unwind.

Checking Kernie’s proposal would take me a whole two hours, after which I know I’ll feel tired and just go to sleep. This means “me time” will just become sleep time.

Do I have to do this now? I thought to myself. The selfish brat was sticking out its head.

Then as if on cue, a friend’s words rung in my head,

If there’s one piece of marriage advice I could give you, it’s to remember this: ‘Honey, if it’s important to you, it’s important to me.’

I knew that that proposal was important to him and his career.

Spending time for myself was important too but I realized that making his needs my priority mattered more to me. Besides, I I knew I would accomplish more good if I helped him with his proposal than posting a new blog.

Your needs or mine?

Although looking after our needs is important, sometimes we have to put other people’s needs before our own because it’s one way of showing how much we value them.

We just have to strike a good balance between doing things for others and doing things for ourselves.

But one thing I learned in our relationship is to lose count of what we do for each other.

Sometimes (maybe, even oftentimes) we have a tendency to keep tabs on things just to keep it fair. I’m thinking it must be from that deeply ingrained instinct to always “look out for number one.”

I realized though that when you love someone, you just give freely and openly. It doesn’t really matter so much whose turn it is this time, just give.

Besides, I found that generosity begets generosity.

Oftentimes, you’ll find yourself at the receiving end too.

I finished checking Kernie’s proposal in less than two hours and I handed the file to him. I was feeling too tired to blog so I wrote in my journal instead.

“Thanks mahal. I love you,” he said.

And those five words were enough for me.

Tagged as: generosity, giving, marriage advice, marriage tips, Relationships