How to deal with each other’s differences
One night, Kernan and I were about to have dinner when I found him holding up the two plates of hot rice in front of the aircon.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Cooling off the rice, it’s too hot. I like my rice a bit cold.”
“But I like my rice hot.”
“Okay, do you want me to reheat it for you in the microwave?”
“Oh, never mind.”
I love warm meals so I couldn’t quite understand then why Kernan preferred his a bit cold. He should eat his meals while they’re still warm because that’s the way it should be, shouldn’t it?
During our first months together, a lot of people would ask me how Kernan and I got along.
“You’re such opposites.” People would tell us.
He was pretty confident and he had a certain bravado in his stride.
I was mostly shy and really quiet.
He could be very aggressive and his temper could fire up a bit quick.
I was a bit passive and patient most of the time.
He looked like a bad boy.
I looked like a good girl.
We seemed like the most imperfect match.
After six years of being together, my answer then remains the same now: our differences helped us to stay together.
I admit there was a time when I wanted to change him into the man I thought he should be. I guess all women lean toward that tendency at one point or another. You want your man to be more like your dad, your brother or this ideal man you fantasized about your in mind.
But I realized that truly loving someone meant respecting and accepting each other’s differences.
Over the years, I’ve seen more and more differences that Kernan and I had:
He likes to unwind at night watching movies, I like quiet nights writing in my journal.
He likes eating while watching the TV, I like eating on the table while having a good conversation.
He likes short no nonsense showers, I like long slow baths.
He likes walking around the house barefoot, I like wearing slippers.
He likes an uncluttered bedroom, I like having some of my stuff lying around.
He firmly stands by his faith, I prefer to explore other religions.
I used to want him to do things my way and he would want me to do things his way. We would go on until one of us would give in.
It took us some time to learn that if we wanted to have peace of mind and a harmonious relationship, we had to know that it was okay to be different.
It was okay to disagree on small things as long as we agreed on more important things like personal values and life principles.
Of course, accepting and respecting each other’s differences doesn’t mean condoning each other’s bad habits and destructive attitudes.
But it does mean gently pointing out what can be changed and patiently waiting for your partner to do it.
I always keep in mind that we both went through experiences that influenced us and molded us into who we are now. And as much as I cannot change myself overnight, neither can my hubby.
From another perspective, I think our differences make our relationship more interesting. When we allow ourselves to explore the other’s way, we get to step out of our comfort zones and experience new things.
Sometimes, I let him cool my rice and when I smother it with hot soup or gravy, I find that it actually tastes okay. Sometimes, he’d take long baths with like me in the shower and he actually likes using my scrub and liquid soap.
Come to think of it, if my husband was so much like me, our life together must have been so boring!
In the bigger scheme of our relationship, our little opposites, whether endearing or annoying, don’t really matter.
In the end, the most important thing is that one great thing that we have in common: our true love for each other.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 at 3:14 pm and is filed under Marriage, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Sometimes my hubby agrees when I request that we eat on the dining table. But most of the time, I just let him have his way. It’s his simple pleasure after all and it doesn’t really hurt for me to give him that. But when our kids grow up, I really would want all of us to eat together so our dining habits would have to change eventually. 
Anyway, what’s with men and cold rice? 
difference is really cool i am really enjoying it now.. i have this hobby that I can do w/o him and vise versa atleast at the end of the day we have something to talk about 
and a Happy New year...
rach (17 comments.) May 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 am
I think it’s better that you don’t have the same interests all the time because you would just get bored!!!
Being with Robert for close to 9 years, we still have our differences… the first few years were really a major adjustment… he is a neat freak and I’m not so I find it hard that I don’t see the bits and pieces that I leave behind in a corner… it was frustrating because I have to ask him all the time! now, we have learned to adjust and give each other the ‘breathing space’ we deserve. I may not like his ‘gym’ stuff in the room but I allow it because he now allows me to leave a book in one corner, my notebook on top of the dresser
rachs last blog post..Service with a Smile =)
[Reply]