Jamaine and I were watching TV when she suddenly blurted out,

“Mommy, si tabachingching andiyan sa baba kanina…”
“Sino si tabachingchng?” I had to cut her story short as alarm bells rang in my head.
“‘Yung neighbor…”
“Baby, hindi tabachingching ang pangalan niya. Did you ask her name?”
“Hindi po.”
“Then next time, ask her what her name is so that when you see her, you can call her by her name.”
“Okay Mommy.”

How do you explain “respect” to a two year old? I figured Jamaine must have heard her yaya calling the neighbor by that moniker and thought it was okay to call her that. I had to remind the yayas to be careful about what they say around the kids.

These monikers may seem harmless but this is where teasing and name calling begins, something that both children and adults do. Kids playing on the street teasing a less active playmate as “payatot” or “lampa” is just the same as adults backstabbing a colleague as “ass-kisser” or “stupid.” They both hurt feelings.

I’m pretty sure my daughters will encounter this when they go to school and it can’t be helped if they encounter kids who do it. But I will definitely make sure they are neither on the teasing nor receiving end. I want them to learn how to always respect other people.

Kids do it

I remember back in school, I knew this beautiful girl who had shiny brown hair and light brown eyes. The thing was, she had eczema that caused her skin to flake and psoriasis which dotted her hair with dandruff. Her family wasn’t really well off so she couldn’t get an eczema treatment and she could only use a medicated shampoo a few times because it hurt her scalp. People thought she had poor hygiene.

I did feel a bit awkward at first when I met her. It was the first time I met somebody who had those conditions. But I would still hang out with her because she a really nice person andmI knew what she had wasn’t contagious. I just felt bad because she had to endure the teasing for something that wasn’t her fault.

Adults do it too

Even at work, among the world of supposedly mature adults, it still happens. People calling an acne – troubled person “pimple na tinubuan ng mukha” or an overweight person “sumo wrestler.” I’m not washing my hands clean, I admit I may have called some people names before during joking sessions or laughed along with people who teased other people before. Yes, they could be funny. But that doesn’t change the fact that they hurt feelings.

I’m no psychologist but I figured maybe we feel some kind of power over other people when we call them names or we feel as though we’re better than them in some way. But really, we’re not.

But we don’t have to

And if we’re the ones on the receiving end, it would definitely be not funny, wouldn’t it? That’s why I always try to be cautious about what I say, especially now that I have kids who need me to be a good example.

I can only control what they watch on TV and the way the yayas deal with them to some degree. And although I can’t censor what other people do or say, I can only arm them with solid values and good judgment that will help them respond to these situations in the best way.

What’s your take?

Since Jamaine was 6 months old, I’ve bought her several ABC and fairy tale board books that we read during playtime. I really want her to grow up with a healthy reading habit.

I’ve always been an avid reader and this is something I want to pass down to my daughters. Thankfully, Jamaine seems to like her books and even pretends to read them herself.

Sometimes though the books take a back seat when there are several other toys competing for her attention

But I found a good idea that could encourage her to like reading even more: publish a story book with her as the lead character.

Personalized children’s books are a great way to preserve childhood memories as well as to encourage a child’s creativity.

Sites like Kids Personally has a couple of personalized photo books, activity books, and novels for children. They can print your child’s photo and name on the cover and inside pages.

But a great way to extend this idea is to have your child create her own story. Let her think of her own adventures, challenges and happy ending. This will help her to harness her imagination and develop story – telling skills.

You can also let your child map out her dreams and goals for the future in the form of a story. Ask her what she wants to be when she grows up and what she dreams of doing in the future.

If you’re feeling extra creative, take your own photos to visualize the story too. For example, your child wants to be a reporter in the future, dress her in a mini suit, give her a microphone and photograph her somewhere in the city as if she’s covering a news story.

This will take a bit more time and effort but when you see your child happily reading her own story book, I’m pretty sure it would all be worth it.

More than this, the story book could also serve as a Vision Book that your child can look at from time to time so she can focus on her dreams and goals.

Have you got other great ideas to cultivate a child’s reading habit?

This time it was Kalia’s baby sitter who had to go and we’re once again faced with this dilemma.

I’ve been trying to find the best solution that would solve our baby sitter problems for good. We had the same dilemma earlier this year when Jamaine’s sitter got sick for weeks and we couldn’t find a suitable replacement.

My mom ended up commuting everyday to go to our apartment to take care of Jamaine while Kernan and I worked at the office.

Part of me thinks I should seriously consider being a stay at home or work at home mom. But to be honest, I’m quite unsure how stable that would be. Our family has been doing well with our double income and I think this is not the right time to cut it to one.

Although both sets of grandparents have kindly offered to take Jamaine to live with them, Kernan and I have agreed that it is important to us to keep the family together no matter what.

I’ve been wracking my brains for options and solutions since last night.

Finding another sitter is obviously the immediate solution but it’s harder than it seems. So far, we’ve been getting sitters and helpers from referrals or distant relatives which help ensure they are trustworthy and reliable. So far, no one is available.

And even when we do find another sitter, I feel like it will only be a short term solution since the sitter will probably want to get another job, get married or go abroad sooner or later. Besides, I’m sure no one would want to be a baby sitter for good.

The solution has to be something that would be for the good of our kids as well as for our family income.

I was thinking that starting a home business or a small business franchise would be good. That is actually a plan that Kernan and I intend to do eventually as soon as we build a sizeable amount of savings. We’re not halfway our savings goal yet so putting up a business would have to wait a few more years.

Problogging also seems like an ideal “home job.” Of course, we all know the epitome of the problogger who has managed to make multiple streams of income from his blog. I’ve always admired how Darren Rowse managed to quit his day job to support his family through his blog incomes. It certainly is an appealing option for a blogger like me. I actually have some hobby blogs in the works that I plan to monetize but I know it’s going to take time and hard work to make them profitable.

I wish I could say this blog is earning enough now to allow me to quit my job and take care of my babies at home. But so far, it’s just enough to start an educational plan for Jamaine, an amount that took around three months to earn. Certainly not yet a reliable fall back for my current regular day job. But I’m considering problogging or a web based business as one of the long-term solutions since it holds the possibility of earning a significant amount of income all from the comforts of home or anywhere I choose to be.

I’m still thinking and hoping we’ll arrive at the best immediate action while working on the long-term solution to this dilemma.

Have any of you encountered a similar dilemma? How were you able to solve it?

I’ll surely appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

1..2…3…

I watched dumbfounded as my 1 – year old baby Jamaine hit her head with her tiny hand.

Just a few seconds ago, I had pried the electric plug gently but firmly from her hand, triggering the scene I had just seen.

I didn’t know how to react next.

Too many worries were rushing in my head.

Is my baby emotionally imbalanced?

Was it my fault?

Did she inherit this from us?

Did she imitate this from TV?

Will she grow up violent?

I scooped her in my arms, “Baby, that’s bad. Please don’t do that again.”

I’m not sure if she understood me but she didn’t do it again that night.

She did it again a few days later.

She was turning the TV on and off like a light switch and I had to pull her away. She picked up the remote and hit her head with it. Twice. She cried.

“No! Don’t do that!”I almost yelled.

Jamaine stopped crying and looked at me as if she was more hurt by what I said than the remote that hit her head.

Oh no, has my baby become such a drama princess?

Both behaviors continued every few days or so. On some days, she did it more than once.

I was starting to get really worried despite assurances from certain people that their kids went through the same phase.

I asked my mom if I was ever like that as a kid and she said I never exhibited such behavior.

Hubby though was another story. My mom in law said, when hubby was a kid, he used to hit his head against the wall when he was frustrated.

Ignore and distract

During Jamaine’s check up, I brought up the matter with her pediatrician to ease my worries.

The pedia said that that behavior was normal at Jamaine’s age because she is just starting to deal with all her emotions. It’s possible that she may have seen it from someone or from the TV. Or she may just have done that on her own instinct.

The most important thing, she said, was to deal with it properly: ignore and distract.

She said that kids in Jamaine’s age do most anything that gets them attention whether it’s negative or positive. That’s why neither gentle hugging nor emphatically saying “No!” to her worked to prevent my baby from doing it again.

It’s better to just distract her with another toy or a fun activity.

So the next time Jamaine hit herself again, I acted as if nothing happened and started to read her a fairytale.

The expression on her face said something like “Mommy, I just hit my head again, aren’t you going to do something?”

But I just continued reading in an animated voice. It took her only a few seconds to finally join in.

Another time she hit herself, I just did the same thing.

A few days after, I observed that Jamaine wasn’t hitting herself anymore. I also did my best to provide her with a lot of things to do so she won’t even have the time to be frustrated about anything.

Lately though, after Kalia was born, I observed that Jamaine has been hitting herself occasionally. I figured it must be because of the confusion and anxiety she’s feeling over being “dethroned” as the family’s only angel.

Plus, she’s beginning to learn that no matter how much she whines or cries, she can’t always have or do everything she wants.

Keeping my sanity

I’m learning everyday that parenting is such a challenge. And sometimes, when things like these happen, I feel so inadequate.

But these personal guidelines help me to keep a sane head:

1. Do not take things personally.

When Jamaine started exhibiting that hitting behavior I was worried that I had failed at something , it was my fault and I wasn’t raising her right. I was beginning to think that I was such a bad mother only to learn that such behavior really is part of a growing child’s pains.

2. React calmly.

Sometimes, when Jamaine does something bad or when she’s in a bad mood, I tend to overreact. But I’ve learned that overreacting actually aggravates the situation and never really contributes to the solution. Calmness, on the other hand, helps me to think of better ways to deal with it. Plus, when I am calm, Jamaine often calms down too.

3. Always see the innocence.

Sometimes, we are guilty of putting meanings to a child’s actions like: “She’s pulling the plug to annoy me” or “She eats the cotton even if she knows I’m going to dig it out of her mouth anyway.” Thinking about these meanings can make us get mad so easily at our kids.

But when try to see the innocence, we’ll understand them more and deal with their actions better. Like “She’s pulling the plug because she is curious about how it works. She must have seen me do it a couple of times and she wants to try it herself. But I have to teach her that it is dangerous for her to do that at this time.” Or “She eats the cotton because it’s fluffy and she must like how she can swirl it around in her mouth. But I have to teach her that cotton is not food and I should just give her something else to eat to show her the difference.”

4. Always act from a place of love.

Exhaustion, personal worries and a lot of other negative emotions can block that loving feeling. But I always try to remind myseld to act out of love. No matter how difficult or confusing things sometimes become, when I act out of love, I know I’ll always do the right thing.

Since Jamaine turned a year old, I have been training her to be a “big girl” bit by bit.

She took to eating solids and drinking from a cup excitedly.

But one thing that took a bit longer for her to adjust to was taking a bath in the bathroom.

I have been giving her baths in her tub until her 11th month and she loved it a lot. Since our bathroom was bit small, I would set up her tub just outside the bathroom so we’d have more space to move around in.

She seemed to like splashing water on the floor and playing with her rubber toys in the water so I thought our transition to the bathroom would be easy.

But when I brought her inside the bathroom, she seemed to be terrified of the faucet and just about everything in the bathroom. When I would pour water on her, she would cling to me with all her might, tiptoe as high as she could and tilt her head up as if she was drowning!

I figured she just needed to see that the bathroom is a fun place to take a bath in. So I taught her how to turn the faucet on and I explained to her that’s what we do when we want water to come out. Then I taught her to to turn the faucet off and explained to her that’s what we do when we’re done taking a bath. I also used her rubber ducky as a dummy to show her that we need to pour water on the body to take off the soap and become squeaky clean.

It took us a few weeks before she finally adjusted to her “big girl” bath time.

Now she likes going inside the bathroom and she seems to want to explore everything, from the bathoom floor, to the shower knob, to the toilet bowl (eek!).

I had to make the bathroom more baby-safe for Jamaine. So I spent a whole afternoon scrubbing and re-scrubbing the bathroom with the help of Mr. Muscle just to make sure everything, even the toilet bowl, is clean when my baby touches them. I also placed all soaps, shampoos and other bathroom cleaners out of reach to prevent any slip-ups or foaming mouths.

I searched online for some bathroom safety products for babies and found these cute and useful little things on Amazon.

Dora the Explorer Spout Cover

Finding Nemo Bath Mat

Toilet Bowl Lock

I’m thinking when we set up our own house, it would be safer to have walk in tubs for the kids coupled with a tub bumper.

Now, if only I could get Jamaine to like her inflatable pool too. Just realized that summer has come and gone but her Little Mermaid bathing suit and little swimming pool remain unused.

Oh well, ’til the next summer.

Hopefully, by that time I’ll be back to my old sexy bod so I can join my babies in their pool too.

Lately, Jamaine and I have been having difficulty dealing with separation anxiety.

Her yaya got sick and had to take a leave for two weeks. Kernan and I hired a substitute yaya but Jamaine is having a hard time warming up to her.

My heart breaks whenever I leave for the office because though I try to put on a smiling face, wave goodbye cheerfully and send some flying kisses, she still cries as if I’m leaving her for a very long time.

Sometimes I ask the yaya to hide her before I leave but I feel guilty afterwards for “tricking” her.

Sometimes my mom comes over to our place to help out and that really eases my worries a lot. But I can’t ask her to come over everyday for two weeks because she gets tired of commuting. She proposed that I leave Jamaine with her for the meantime and just pick her up on weekends.

Though I really appreciate the generous offer, I can’t bear going home to an empty house and not seeing my baby for days.

Once again, I’m having thoughts of quitting work and just staying at home to take care of my baby. But with my upcoming delivery and the sparse state of my savings account, I don’t think I can do that just yet. Besides, I’m not really sure if I want to be a stay at home mom.

We’ve got one more week to go and the anxiety continues.

I’m beginning to feel how tough being a mom can be and, sometimes, I feel like I’m doing a bad job at it.

Then again, maybe this is just “pre-partum anxiety.”

Maybe it’s just the gloomy skies and the constant discomfort of back pain.

Whatever it is, I know I’ll figure out how to deal with this somehow.

Tomorrow will be another day.

Since she learned how to walk on her own, Jamaine has been exploring every nook and cranny of our room.

She likes getting familiar with every appliance she can get her hands on: the TV, the aircon, the sound system and the electric fan. I have to closely watch her every move lest she gets an electric shock.

She has also moved on to chewing other things aside from her rubber mat like plastic cases, cellphone chargers and lotion bottles.

Of course, I can’t stop my baby from being curious about the things around her and just say “no” every time she touches something. Both of us would just end up getting frustrated since we want different things: I want to keep her safe while she wants to learn more about her environment.

So the best solution would be to exhaust all possible measures to make the room safe for baby.

Here are some tips:

1. Move all appliances beyond your baby’s reach, if possible. For example, get a ceiling fan to replace the stand fan; place a speaker mount to support the sound system up the wall and put up a ceiling aircon. Just make sure everything is securely in place and check the fixtures regularly for loosening screws so you’re sure they will not be a falling hazard.
2. Cover all electric plugs. One time, I was surprised to see Jamaine trying to put the fan’s electric plug inside the socket. I figured she learned it after seeing me do it a couple of times. The five pairs of sockets in the room (translated: 10 dangerous chances to get electrocuted) which used to be convenient for us have now become potential threats to Jamaine. So I immediately got some plastic socket covers and plugged them in all the sockets. Jamaine tried to pry them open the first time but they were really tight. She got tired of trying after a few minutes and resorted to the cabinets.
3. Sweep the floor clear of all choking hazards. Since your baby still doesn’t know the difference between a coin and a cookie, you can count that she’ll gladly chew on both. So watch out for stuff you might drop on the floor like loose change, small safety pins, hairclips, metal screws, keys and cotton buds. Remember to keep other chewables out of sight like ballpens, cellphone chargers, electric adapters and everything else you don’t want your baby’s mouth on.
4. Secure all cabinet doors and drawers. Babies love to pull things in and out so make sure your cabinets and drawers don’t open at the slightest budge. Put cabinet locks or stoppers. As a safety measure, make sure all the contents of your closet are pushed a little back into the shelf just in case your baby does manage to open the cabinet.
5. Make a little play area for your baby inside your room. Since we co-sleep with Jamaine, we’ve cleared a space in the bedroom for her play area. We placed colorful rubber mats on the floor, lined up some books and toys on one corner and positioned some pillows on the other. She usually likes to stay in her area for a little while before she gets bored and ventures into the other “attractions” inside the bedroom. So I always try to find something new and interesting to place in her play area so she’d stay there most of the time. I think she has already learned that this is her special place in the room because when she gets tired of pacing around, she lies down on the pillows and falls asleep on her own.

Do you have some great tips to child-proof your home?

For the past days, Mama has been coming over to the house to help take care of Jamaine.

My baby’s yaya got sick and asked to take a 2-week leave.

Though I was able to get a replacement helper, I didn’t have much time to “break her in.” Jamaine cannot get along with her just yet. My baby would cry desperately every time Kernan or I leave the house causing me to worry about her the whole day I’m at work.

So to ease my baby’s agony and my anxiety, Mama agreed to take care of Jamaine until the week ends. Needless to say, I felt so relieved. Mama would arrive at the apartment before I leave for work and she would stay until I get home.

Jamaine seems to like this arrangement because she’s had a happy temper since my mom took over.

I’m also pleasantly surprised to find the house neater and more organized. My closet which usually looks like a jungle suddenly looked like a real closet with clothes properly folded and segregated.

I guess you could say organizing things is one of my mom’s special talents. Our house feels more like a home when she’s around.

I’ve always admired how Mama has turned housewifery into an art.

Even if we lived in very small and not-so-nice houses for most of our lives, Mama always managed to prettify our home.

She would place lovely curtains by the window, flowers in the sala and little ornaments around the house. To cover cracked and unpainted walls, she would borrow air tools from my uncle and drill holes for placing picture frames and crosstitch projects. She would line drawers with gift wrapping paper to cover the peeling paint of old cabinets and sew together extra pieces of cloth to make cushion covers.

I had hoped I inherited my Mama’s creativity around the home but I’m beginning to doubt if I did. Yes, I can fold and segregate stuff but I don’t seem to have the knack for organizing things into pretty little boxes or hanging photos on the wall. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever really be a housewife.

I’m hoping I would acquire the skill over time especially when Kernan and I start planning for our own home.

In any case, I’m just glad I could always run to Mama when I need her.

Most of the time, I act like this grown up ready to take on the world, but sometimes I just want to be what I had always been: her little baby girl.

One year ago, you saw the light of the world for the first time.

After carrying you and nourishing you for nine months, I could hardly believe that you were finally right before my eyes.

As I cradled you in my arms, I knew it was one of the happiest days of my life.

I remember how tiny and fragile you were. I couldn’t stop staring at your rosy face and touching your wrinkly skin. I was so amazed at how your dad and I could have created such a wonderful and beautiful baby.

During your first few days, I guarded you zealously. I could hardly sleep because I wanted to watch over your every move and whimper. I wanted to be there for you even before you needed me and I couldn’t imagine leaving your side.

I would feel a tide of happiness swell over me each time you opened your eyes and seemed to look at me.

I knew you couldn’t see me yet, I was a mere moving shadow with sound. But I looked right back at you because I wanted you to see me. I wanted you to feel that mommy was just always around.

I remember I cried on the first day I went back to work. I didn’t want to leave you. I was scared that you would feel so alone without me by your side. But I realized that it was I who felt lonely because you were not with me.

I played with you, sang you songs and told you stories whenever we were together. And I wished that we could jump to the day when you could understand every word I said and you could laugh when I said something funny. I wished you could talk, walk and play with me.

As you grew older,you became more challenging to handle but I realized that I was actually learning lessons from you.

As much as I wanted to mold you into the best daughter, you were teaching me how to be the best mother.

Now you’re a year older.

And you still amaze me in so many ways. You can walk, talk and play with me just as I wished you would.

You assert yourself more now and you seem to know what you want that sometimes I feel as if you’re growing too fast.

But whenever you reach for me when I arrive home or when you snuggle closer to me as you sleep, I know that you’re still my little baby.

I pray that you’ll grow up to be a fine young lady with a beautiful body, a sharp mind, a God-fearing soul and a loving heart.

I pray that you be blessed with all the best things the world has to offer: health, wealth, beauty, success and happiness all the days of your life.

And I pray that God will grant me more years to come so I can be there for you.

Happy Birthday Jamaine!

I love you so much my baby.

Love,

Mommy

Pregnancy and parenting are no two easy tasks to balance.

I’m in my last trimester and the back aches are beginning to kill me. Kalia has been moving around a lot and sometimes it feels like I have a one-baby boxing match inside my stomach.

On top of that, Jamaine is becoming more challenging to handle. She’s becoming more adamant about what she wants and screams when she couldn’t get it. She’s still an angel 99 percent of the time but when she becomes a wee bit bratty, I have to muster all my patience to stay calm.

I guess all mothers would agree that at some point, it feels like you’re going over the edge and bordering on crazy.

How do you deal?

I have a couple of things that help keep me sane when the mommy craziness threatens to strike:

• Chocolates. I have a whole stash of chocolate cookies, crackers and mini-cakes waiting to be devoured when I need a quick pick me-upper. I try to limit my intake to two servings per day but sometimes I allow myself just a bit more indulgence during really high-stress days.
• A good book. I have been keeping my favorite books in the bedroom ready to be grabbed when I feel less than patient. Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret has been a handy companion for me to remind me to think good thoughts. I always try to visualize a painless pregnancy and Jamaine being a well-behaved baby.
• My notebooks. Writing on any of my notebooks is great therapy for me whether it’s a journal entry or a list of things to do. I guess I find emotional release in the act of writing so I always keep a pen and notebook within reach. (I’ve actually added a new Miquelrius notebook to my collection. It’s to replace my work notebook which got lost somewhere. I know, If notebooks were alcohol, then I should be in alcohol rehab by now!)
• Hugs and kisses. It’s pretty amazing how Jamaine can easily sense when I’m stressed. Sometimes she’ll just approach me from across the room, give me a hug, and plant a big wet kiss on my cheeks. She always giggles after as if she knows she’s given me a wonderful surprise and I end up laughing with her. It always jolts me to the wonderful reality that whatever stress and craziness there may be, motherhood does make me happy.