Simple ways to keep the sparks in your marriage
One night, I got a text message from hubby, “If I decided to work abroad to support our family, would you quickly get rid of me?”
I knew he was visiting a friend who was scheduled to fly to UAE the next day. Kernan said the wife seemed okay with her husband leaving and showed no signs that she wanted him to stay.
“It’s okay that he’s finally leaving, he’s been jobless for months anyway.” The wife sounded relieved, Kernie observed.
My hubby rarely waxes sentimental so I guessed the situation must have hit him to the core.
I sent him this message: “…What good is money if you’re not with me? It’s important to me that we have a comfortable lifestyle, but having our family together matters so much more.”
Later when he arrived home, he asked, “Do you still miss me?”
“I always miss you. I miss you every second you’re away.”
The perils of marriage
The couple has been married for more than three years. I could see that they were in love with each other before.
But I guess after having three kids and going through some tough problems, the love has so dampened that they can bear to be away from each other. The sparks of their love may have been lost somewhere along the way.
I’m sure they’re thinking of their kids’ future and right now, that matters more to them than being together. After all, only they would know what’s best for their family and for their marriage.
I, for one, cannot imagine being away from Kernan for a long time, not even if it’s for work. When he goes out of town or out of the country even for just five days, I go crazy missing him.
Especially now that we’re married and we have a kid, spending time with each other and being with each other have become more important than ever. It serves to strengthen not only our family but to nourish our marriage as well.
When I say spend time, it has to be both quality and quantity time enough to do things together and make memories. In the same way, being with each other doesn’t only mean being in the same place but really enjoying each other’s presence.
When you’re together 24/7, how can you not fall out of love?
A friend once asked me what it was like to be married. Didn’t we get tired of seeing each other all the time?
I guess one of the important reasons we got married is that we love each other so much, we want to be with each other for the rest of our lives.
It’s so wonderful to wake up in the morning in the arms of the one I love. And it’s just as amazing to end the day with him.
But among the things I learned from marriage was that we should not be together all the time. We actually need some time apart to grow as individuals so that we can bring more into the relationship.
Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, can be one big adventure or one great pain. The kind of relationship you’ll have really depends on you.
Some couples complain that the thrill is gone and they’ve fallen out of love. But whose fault is that anyway? Both of them, because they allowed it to happen.
Sparks and thrills don’t just fly randomly into the relationship. Yes, these are present in the beginning, but they need to be constantly boosted to keep the fire burning.
How do you keep the sparks flying and the fire burning?
Grand gestures of love are great. It would be wonderful to receive a bouquet of flowers, be serenaded and taken out to a candlelit dinner.
Still, sometimes it only takes simple acts to keep the glowing embers.
Kiss a lot. Kiss in the morning. Smack in the afternoon. Smooch at night. It’s quick and it’s easy but it packs in a lot of love. Plus, experts say kissing has some great health benefits.
Hug more. Whenever I’m feeling less than perky, hugs are always an instant pick me upper. Kernie and I hug each other every morning. It’s a great way to start the day (after a kiss!) and it makes me feel like I’m warmed up for the whole day. Oh, hugging has health benefits too.
Court each other again. Write each other random love notes. Surprise each other with little gifts. Send “I’m still so crazy in love with you” text messages. Or call him just to say “I miss you.” Kernie has probably sent me “I love you so much” text messages over a thousand times through the course of our relationship. But every single one tickles my heart. Although I know he does love me, it still feels nice to have him express it unabashed.
Make love. Heat up the bedroom. Dim the lights. Put on some mood music. I leave everything else to your imagination.
joanjoyce (47 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2008 at 10:05 pm →
the list looks simple but is really hard to do.. waaaaa i can’t lol!
[Reply to this comment]
Iris (15 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2008 at 10:15 pm →
[quote comment=""]the list looks simple but is really hard to do.. waaaaa i can’t lol![/quote] why naman joyce?
this is really sweet jayme
napa-awww ako tuloy dito. hehe. but you’re right, simple things lang to show each other appreciation can go a long way.
[Reply to this comment]
Jayme responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2008 at 11:59 am →
Hmm…Same question Joyce.
Ris, actually reminder ko rin ito sa sarili ko. I want me and my hubby to be like those old couples who are still sweet to each other even after so many years.
[Reply to this comment]
joan ray (4 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2008 at 10:02 pm →
hi jayme! the list is simple. but tried n tested, based on my experience ha! gonna do ur tag soon… kip on bloggin!
joan ray’s last blog post..tic tac, boom!
[Reply to this comment]
K responds:
Posted: March 11th, 2008 at 1:43 am →
I can’t share. Infact, I don’t know, maybe I’ll burn the bridge when I get there, hehehe but I think the kissing and hugging goes on the rocks after a few years of marriage, some couples that I know never do it na (baduy na daw). For now, I’m kissing goodnight with prayers to a lot of people who remembers me and to myself.
Poor me, I make love with someone online without even asking for permission, hahaha.
K’s last blog post..A spaceship has landed in Hong Kong
[Reply to this comment]
Jayme responds:
Posted: March 11th, 2008 at 5:33 pm →
That’s great to know Joan!
K, I know what you mean. My mom and dad are not so much into that “corny-ness” pero minsan nakikita ko may kiss pa rin when dad leaves for work. Kissing good night with prayers is a pretty good idea.
About your last statement, puwede ba yun? Hehe… Oh well, basta masaya ka. 
[Reply to this comment]
joanjoyce (1 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 12th, 2008 at 10:12 am →
once the trust is somewhat “lost”, can’t find a room to do that sweety things. Maybe soon
[Reply to this comment]
rach (16 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2008 at 3:09 am →
gosh… wow… this is one incident that I do not want to happen to us (Rob and me, I mean)… I feel bad hearing that kind of conversation and it make me want to cling to Rob more… afraid that we would reach at that point (hope not).
The list is a good list!
thanks for sharing 
the last point is indeed important 
[Reply to this comment]
Jayme responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2008 at 12:41 pm →
JoanJoyce: I understand what you mean.
Things will work out soon.
Rach:Basta your actions are guided by love, everything will turn out alright.
[Reply to this comment]
Mom's Blogging Carnival | Australian Women Online responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2008 at 5:57 pm →
[...] presents Simple ways to keep the sparks in your marriage posted at All [...]
Deborah Robinson (1 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 17th, 2008 at 8:52 am →
This article has been published in the latest edition of Mom’s Blogging Carnival
Deborah Robinson’s last blog post..St Patrick’s Day, 17 March 2008
[Reply to this comment]