Sometimes I pinch her
Out of gigil that is.
Is it so weird to be gushing over the cuteness of your own baby?
Well, she doesn’t look like me so no one can say I’m admiring my own looks.
Actually, more than her cute chubby face, Jamaine’s constant babbling has been a great source of amusement for us lately.
When other people hear her “talking,” sometimes I tell them Jamaine knows Chinese. Well, It sounds like Chinese to me.
She’s been gaining a lot of new skills like dancing to harlem beats, showing her beautiful eyes and clucking.
Her biggest achievements so far are learning how to walk three steps unsupported and how to “safely fall” from the edge of the bed to her rubber playing mat on the floor.
She hardly wants to be carried now whenever we’re in the bedroom and she’s constantly crawling and walking around tinkering with stuff.
It amuses me how she prefers to play with everything other than her toys.
Sure, she gets interested with her little nursery rhyme radio for a couple of minutes but she always wants to go to the cabinet and bang on the shelves or stand in front of the aircon so she can close and open the switch flap.
Last night, she took special interest again on the electrical sockets and I had to keep a close eye on her. (I really should remember to buy those socket covers.)
Sometimes, we’ll have a mini tug of war whenever she wants to go near the socket. This time she knows how to whine when she doesn’t get her way.
Should I start disciplining her?
Ris asked me in a tag, if I would ever consider disciplining my child with a rod.
And when I think about it, I don’t think I would
Even before Jamaine was born, Kernan and I have agreed that we would exhaust all means possible to discipline Jamaine without having to hit her with anything, whether it’s our hand or rubber tsinelas.
Though I do believe in the value of discipline, I just can’t equate physical punishment with love.
Kernan and I did grow up familiar with the physical form of punishment.
He tells me how his mom used to spank and hit him whenever he was rowdy or disobedient.
On the other hand, I wasn’t really punished physically when I was a kid. At least not that I remember.
Aside from the fact that I was an obedient little girl, I was also a very quiet one. Whenever I got scolded, I never answered back because I preferred to wallow in silence and reflect on what happened. Even then, I realized my mistake and just chalked it up to experience.
Or I just wrote down all my frustrations on paper and then ripped it to pieces. (Yes, this habit of mine goes way back.) Either way, I felt better and I became more rational after.
Being my opposite, my brother liked to talk back so he was the one who had real experience with all things that can be used for disciplinary spanking.
Somehow I got the idea that boys had the worst of it because they were taught to be manly and take the blows bravely.
At times I thought physical discipline never really drove home the point, it only made a kid feel so hurt and unloved.
But I understood that it may have been the best way my parents knew how to instill obedience. I thought perhaps that it was how they were raised too.
And maybe how my grandparents were raised, my great grandparents, my great, great grandparents…. until far back down the family tree.
Still, even if I understood how that disciplining method came to be, I knew I didn’t have to follow it when I have my own kids.
I think sometimes parents make some mistakes (perhaps unconsciously) that they don’t realize affect their kids like setting a bad example, having inconsistent rules or failing to really tune in to their child’s needs.
And when the child turns out less than an angel, he gets spanked and scolded when he may have only been following or acting upon what his parents had set for him after all.
I think it all starts with the right child rearing. I can’t say one method is right for all children because each one is different.
But I guess if you’ve worked hard at paving the path for good values and proper attitudes early on, there will be less chances for your child to stray.
Since Jamaine is already starting to assert herself and her wants, I’m also starting to set the ground rules for her.
I know she barely understands me but I talk to her like an adult.
Being the happy kid that she is, sometimes she thinks I’m being funny when I say “no.” So I always try to keep a stern face when I say so.
And when she keeps doing the same thing, like chewing on her rubber mat, I just keep pulling it away while telling her to let it go because it’s just for playing and not for eating.
If there’s one thing that really struck me about communicating with kids, it’s that you have to tell them what you want them to do.
Sometimes Jamaine gets it and stops. At other times, she just giggles and chews on the rubber even harder.
As long as I’m consistent about it, I know soon enough she’ll understand the difference.
Every day has been an opportunity for me to practice patience.
And if the time does come that Jamaine acts less than an angel, I’m sure by then I’ll have infinitesimal patience to handle her really well.
Sans the spanking and all its associated stress.
Maybe I’ll still be pinching her though. But, always and only, out of appreciation for her cuteness.
dru (6 comments.) responds:
Posted: February 28th, 2008 at 10:28 am →
She’s sooooo adorable! She’s going to grow up beautifully, I believe. Speaking of spanking, it develops a certain “need” for it. “Need” in such a way that they have to be hit for them to realize that what they did was wrong. I don’t think that it’s really necessary to hit a child, but I believe it is necessary for them to think that you are capable of it.
In my life, I can only recall once that my dad hit me, and once that my mom pulled the hair on my temples. When I was unruly on the dinner table, I was being bastos to everyone, my dad hit me on my right thigh. I went quiet. When I told my mom I couldn’t go to school that morning because my head hurt, and she found out that I only used the time to play computer, she pulled my hair, and I never had headaches in the morning again. (hahaha)
I think I grew up pretty fine. It depends, of course. My parents obviously knew how I was best disciplined at the time, and it worked.
I’m not encouraging spanking ha? It’s a good strategy to actually make the children think that you can. 
You’ll know what to do when the time comes.
dru’s last blog post..Open Daw Siya O..
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Jayme responds:
Posted: February 28th, 2008 at 11:11 am →
Oo nga eh, I know I might have to resort to that at one time or another to assert authority. Pero I’ll see pa rin. If ever, last resort ko na talaga yun.
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Iris (12 comments.) responds:
Posted: February 29th, 2008 at 7:53 pm →
ooh i feel like im reading mia’s achievements here too!
sobrang sabay lang sila ni mia talaga, which is good for jamaine because she’s developing fast. me, i have to be really reeeeally patient. 
and i agree with you that sometimes parents are unconscious of what kind of discipline they apply to their children, not taking into consideration the child’s personality or needs. so i hope as for us, we get to be more sensitive because we’ve been there, done that. 
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dru (6 comments.) responds:
Posted: March 6th, 2008 at 2:38 pm →
I just got a short chat with my supervisor concerning scolding.. He said, “Bakit mo pa siya papagalitan, kung pwede mo naman siya paiintindihin?” Well, of course, depende rin yan.
dru’s last blog post..Whose Line Is It Anyway
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Jayme responds:
Posted: March 7th, 2008 at 4:50 pm →
Oo nga naman. It’s really case to case basis actually. It’s up to you to gauge what’s the best thing to do at a certain time. Just make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons.
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Dear Jamaine, | All Jayme responds:
Posted: April 3rd, 2008 at 11:13 pm →
[...] much as I wanted to mold you into the best daughter, you were teaching me how to be the best [...]