Think before you speak
Do you think before you speak?
I was re-reading my favorite book The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale for the nth time but one of the paragraphs there struck me now like it never did before.
One of Dr. Peale’s patients was a man suffering from chronic negativity because of a dysfunctional relationship he had with his mother. It seemed the mother had a habit of saying negative things to the son and they replayed like broken tapes in his head years after.
He grew up with a very poor self-esteem and he lacked inner peace mainly because of the negativity deeply embedded in his mind. Only when he learned how to rid himself of the broken negative tapes and replaced them with fresh positive ones did he finally achieve a confident and serene way of living.
It just hit me how much impact a parent can make over her child. Sometimes you think the words you speak are gone the moment you say them. But sometimes, they linger longer, maybe for some, they linger forever. And the words echo with all the love or anger you said them with.
Parent tapes
Fortunately, I don’t have broken parent tapes replaying in my head. My mom and dad were very supportive of me when I was growing up. The only time they ever discouraged me was when they found out I had a “boyfriend” in sophomore year. (Of course, I resisted it then but I understood years later.)
But when it came to my dreams and ambitions, they always told me that I could do it.
Thus, I grew up with a healthy confidence in myself and in my abilities. Of course, it helped that I was an optimist by nature, but I would say my parents’ loving words played a large part in my self-esteem.
I know now that taking care of a child is a tough challenge. Sometimes, in the height of impatience or exhaustion, I tend to blurt out words I don’t really mean.
But I realized that I really should take the old adage “Think before you speak” to heart.
I know Jamaine can barely understand every word I speak but she feels the emotion behind the words.
When I speak with her, I have to train myself to “positivize” my language and criticize constructively only when I have to. This way, she’ll grow up with a positive language and mindset as well.
And if ever in the future, she does have parent tapes replaying in her head, at least they’ll be something that would be good for her to remember.
Simple words and small gestures
Jamaine is 10 months old now and I think she’s beginning to understand praise and admonition.
When she does what I say, even if it’s as simple as closing her eyes when I pour bath water over her head, I praise her and say, “Very good.” When she walks a few steps toward me without holding on to the edge of the bed, I clap my hands in triumph.
When I pull an object away from her mouth or when I tell her she should not chew on her rubber mat, I say them firmly but gently. Oftentimes, she just looks up at me and finds something else to do. But I think she understands what I mean.
Of course, she does them again at another time but I try to be as patient as I can. Sometimes, though, I do lose my patience and carelessly raise my voice a bit. But I quickly catch myself and go back to my imaginary Zen place so I can compose myself.
They’re simple words and small gestures but I hope she feels it’s mommy’s way of showing how much I love her.
I know as she grows up, Jamaine’s gonna be a lot tougher and more challenging to handle.
But I suppose as I keep in mind the value of thinking before I speak and act, I’ll be on the right track.
This entry was posted on Sunday, February 3rd, 2008 at 9:42 am and is filed under Motherhood, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
It always amazes me how you managed to raise 7 wonderful children. Sana sexy mom din ako in the future tulad mo. 
ris (25 comments.) February 4th, 2008 at 4:03 am
you’re right, parents do have such impact on their children just with the simple choice of words. but sometimes some parents just do have a way of disciplining their kids. i wouldn’t say my parents weren’t good at it, but you know, sometimes i wish they did things a little more differently. it really has a lot to do with what kind of person your kid is. as for me, i thought differently, so understanding why i am sometimes scolded required a lot more explaining more than just the usual “don’t do that.” so talagang the saying holds true, “different strokes for different folks.”
im happy to hear that jamaine can understand you at such an early stage. si mia when she was that old, naku good luck nalang sakin! hehe. it’s actually only now that she’s becoming more sociable and more understanding of instructions or directions she’s being told. iba-iba talaga ang development ng mga bata no? and feeling ko mas mabait si jamaine kay mia kahit sobrang lambing ng baby ko. she’s so stubborn, and i can see the makings of myself in her. haha. good luck talaga sakin. anyway, i hope we both do good raising these kids the way they’re supposed to.
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